It’s kind of a funny story actually. With all the workload I have, the things that need to be finished, I still find myself running out of things to do. I’ve been charging forward, riding the lightning, and somehow it still feels like I’m just cruising down back lanes, getting nowhere. I find myself having a hard time connecting words with thoughts, photos with ideas, enthusiasm with drive. I keep trying to step on the gas pedal harder, trying to go faster, pushing the limit… No… Defying limits, all for the sake of trying to get past this.. I don’t know what to call it. Phase? Transitional phase? The turning of a page? A change in chapters? Growing up? Moving on? I just want to dash through the next couple of weeks, the next couple of months, and maybe even the next couple of years. Everyone tells me that I’m very much like my dad in a lot of ways (I even look like him), but if there’s anything he and I differs in, is that unlike myself, he has an infinite amount of patience, and has the immense strength of someone who has found inner peace, and won the war with his inner demons. Does it come with age? Experience? Sudden awareness of some knowledge locked away and only opened by specific events? Maybe this… phase - let’s call it that, is one such event. Maybe it is life’s way of teaching people - people like me, to learn how to give it time; that bumps on the road are meant to slow us down for our own sake.  Except I don’t want to slow down, not this time. Slowing down means yesterday’s sad, pathetic stories are still close by. 

It’s kind of a funny story actually. With all the workload I have, the things that need to be finished, I still find myself running out of things to do. I’ve been charging forward, riding the lightning, and somehow it still feels like I’m just cruising down back lanes, getting nowhere. I find myself having a hard time connecting words with thoughts, photos with ideas, enthusiasm with drive. I keep trying to step on the gas pedal harder, trying to go faster, pushing the limit… No… Defying limits, all for the sake of trying to get past this.. I don’t know what to call it. Phase? Transitional phase? The turning of a page? A change in chapters? Growing up? Moving on?

I just want to dash through the next couple of weeks, the next couple of months, and maybe even the next couple of years.

Everyone tells me that I’m very much like my dad in a lot of ways (I even look like him), but if there’s anything he and I differs in, is that unlike myself, he has an infinite amount of patience, and has the immense strength of someone who has found inner peace, and won the war with his inner demons. Does it come with age? Experience? Sudden awareness of some knowledge locked away and only opened by specific events? Maybe this… phase - let’s call it that, is one such event. Maybe it is life’s way of teaching people - people like me, to learn how to give it time; that bumps on the road are meant to slow us down for our own sake. 

Except I don’t want to slow down, not this time. Slowing down means yesterday’s sad, pathetic stories are still close by. 

6 notes
  1. 21stmoment posted this
Date

4 months ago